From Along-for-the-Ride Heidi:
Whose ride she was on when she came upon this, one can only imagine. As for the embroiderer – tripping on a crafty cruise. Give me a sec to fetch my reading glasses, needle case and thimble . I’m down with that gangplank.
The all-time worst sandwich of my life, never to be trumped, involved a beautiful loaf of bread that I DID NOT FREEZE OR REFRIGERATE because that would ruin its flavor (supposably), and a colossal mound of HANDPICKED AND HOMEMADE strawberry jam.
Toasted a slice of bread carefully, the dial set north by northwest of dark. Soupspooned the jam over the toast in an indulgent gleaming puddle, tipping the toast from side to side to give the jam its sea legs, spread from crust to crust.
Took a slow, happy, bite, toast level to minimize drips, and BlEh-aCk-EEch-iSh!, scrunchy-up face, spit, gasp, scrape tongue, teeth, lips. Mold maliciously lurked in that toast. Sad face. Gargled with Round Up. Still pulling bits of sporangia out of my teeth.