Whatever You Are, Be a Good One


It’s the twenty-fir$t century and we must all ri$e to $elf-actualization if we wanna $tay current. I’m hip to that. Be your be$t, toa$ted-and-$ea$oned $elf. In the name of engendering truly authentic envy, DIY it. Toa$t afficionado$, fire up your bread oven$!

And, if in doubt, add $alt.

How to Make Toa$t So A*e$*m* You Can Charge $4 a $lice

According to Josey Baker of  The Mill in San Francisco, “There’s plenty of people doing toast now, [but] most of them aren’t making the bread themselves. It’s a really critical piece of the puzzle as far as we’re concerned.”

And while The Mill was not the first to create a thick-sliced, Nutella-topped piece of artisanal toast, Baker and his crew have certainly perfected the art. The one caveat? The thing some people can’t get over? That coveted slice can run you upwards of $4.

“Hipster Toast,” as the phenomenon is being called by outraged and genuinely befuddled media outlets, has taken San Francisco by storm, with iterations at bakeries and cafés around the city.

Bring on the hip$ters, $ay$ I, but plea$e leave any mention of the verb “do” out of it. Don’t wanna do toa$t, thank you anyway.

Dollar Toast concept by Chaz W

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