While My Onion Gently Weeps

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WESTLAKE VILLAGE, CA—Praising its standard features and overall dependability, J.D. Power and Associates released a new set of rankings Thursday, naming the Reuben the number-one midsize sandwich in its class. “With an eye-catching, compact design that lends itself to easy handling, the Reuben remains one of the most reliable midsize sandwich options on the market,” said reviewer Leonard Winston, adding that, despite the high-quality materials used in its well-crafted interior, the sandwich still maintains its status as a practical and affordable choice for the average consumer. “In addition to its visual appeal, repeated testing shows that the sandwich’s sturdy corned beef, sauerkraut, and rye-based construction holds up extremely well against both front and side impact. Frankly, the Reuben is unmatched in value even when compared alongside popular European imports such as the caprese and Monte Cristo.” Winston added that, for those who like the sleeker look that comes with taking the top off, the Reuben can easily be converted to open-faced.

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch…er…Russian…dressing…the world is in disarray. Russian Dressing has fallen off the planet, with no decent explanation, and been replaced with…really???…Thousand Island. Yes, that stuff of ketchup and mayonnaise. Thousand Island has its place – on iceberg in 1965. But NOT ON A REUBEN.

The Washington Post weighed in on the Russia Dressing issue recently and the scales fell from my eyes. Quelle horreur! Thousand Island has been masquerading as Russian.

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While I am shouting…to make a proper New Jersey Sloppy Joe YOU NEED RUSSIAN DRESSING.  Click on the link to find a certified recipe for the stuff.

Foisting Thousand Island dressing on the masses is the work of the bottlers. And why, why, why? Surmise all you like, we must take back the bite. The bite of Russian, with its horseradish, paprika and chopped pickles.

Thousand Island, step off. Reubenesquers, unite.



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