I shudder to think

of what this stuff is made. Sandwiches. Potato chips. Benign enough. You don’t gotta make them yourself (boo hoo hoo). Tear into a couple packages while watching the Superbowl and let oblivion reign.

Bacon! NATURALLY FLAVORED & Maple Sandwich Cookies MADE WITH REAL MAPLE SYRUP

gripped in one hand,

NEW YORK REUBEN FLAVORED Lays Potato Chips

in the other.

Meat is one thing. Meat is flesh, a substance with which you must wrestle and chew. Visceral, created by death, meat is an outer deal with your inner animal. One needs teeth and a soul comfortable with the food chain to relish meat. Yup yup yup.

Meat flavor though. What is it? Bacon flavored (already dubious) cookies and Reuben sandwich flavored chips. What the what? I would truly like to know how food scientists created both these products. What what what is in there? Cut the murk please. And, if you are listening and you are a food scientist, what drove you to create these things?

Say you did buy both these products. And say eating something that is more “product” than food is something you are willing to do in your brief, bright life – how was it?  Did the chip taste of pastrami, rye, sauerkraut, Swiss cheese and Russian dressing?  Reductionism maximized. Amazing, maybe, and frackin’ freaky. My heart bleeds for every human who ever brined a brisket, created a starter, set cabbage to ferment or a curd to age.

And then I bought the bag of Reuben chips. Salty, crispy, chip chip chippy! I have not encountered a chip I did not devour with relish. So there. I am only human – flesh, desire, appetite, weakness.

So, you’ve got a package in each of your paws. Chips! Cookies! Origins? Effects? Oh for chrissakes. It’s the Superbowl. Why are you hitting yourself on the head? Why are you hitting yourself on the head? A one-two flavor concussion!

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3 responses to “I shudder to think

  1. I would eat the bag – nice looking sandwich on those let’s. Maybe you should track Jeff Smolensky who “suggested” the product. Is he a food scientist? More likely a creative stoner.

  2. And then today I saw Baby Back Rib Potato Chips. How DO they get that meat flavor into those things? And why are chips bearing the burden? Because we will eat them no matter how they taste? They have us at salt, fat and crunch!
    http://www.walmart.com/ip/UTZ-Wavy-Baby-Back-Ribs-Potato-Chips-10-oz/21695109

    Jeff Smolensky does not show up readily in a Google search. He has probably gone underground like a potato.

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